just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
