I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
