fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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