You're completely useless in the revolution.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
