who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
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He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
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My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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