whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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