that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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