pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
