If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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