i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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