strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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