can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
