Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
