Are we in a gay sports bar?
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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