My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize