My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
