Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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