god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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