i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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