So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
My bed smells like the plague
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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