I just threw up on my dentist
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
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I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
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I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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