I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
