Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
