When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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