Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
