i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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