Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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