we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Randomize
