Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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