Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
