Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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