She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize