i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
time to smoke my breakfast
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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