I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Randomize
