You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
