I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
