i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
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