i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
