shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
She announced her abortion via fbk
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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