I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
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