I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
