Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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