We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
