What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
