I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
