There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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