She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
