So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
