yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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