I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
