i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
