so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I just gargled with NyQuil
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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