No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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