we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
