he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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